Snapped

I'd like to believe that I am of a gentle nature. I don't lose my temper at the drop of a hat, I don't burst into tears if someone looks at me funny (not usually, anyway), and I rarely yell. I have a decent sense of humor (I really do!), and while working under pressure will jangle my nerves, I will keep my cool.

So why did I come semi-unhinged yesterday? Well, maybe because I'm human. But even so, the instigating circumstance wasn't exactly something about which even the most fiery of tempers would get upset. A client just wanted an explanation of the billing practices of a company my agency represents. She was exasperated and confused, but never rude. When I got off the phone with her, however, I shouted to the office all of my frustration, directed more towards myself and the company whose billing practices would confuse a genius than towards the client. I could feel my skin getting hot, my heart racing, and even my throat tightening up in a sure sign that the tears may fall. They didn't, thankfully. I should be old enough by now not to weep like a child over silly matters.

The scene was over within minutes and I was grateful that I still worked with family because they can tolerate such a show of temper in a way that professional colleagues likely wouldn't.

My mood pretty much disintegrated after that and I spent the better part of the afternoon and evening trying to figure out why I had gotten so upset. I think it was my inability to satisfactorily answer the client's question. I feel like I should know all the answers, like I should have the information at my fingertips and be able to interpret them for the client. I think that if I can't, then what kind of librarian will I be?

Of course, it's not really up to librarians to interpret the information they provide to patrons; but they should know where to find it and how to organize it in a way that makes sense to the user. They should not leave them more confused than when they asked for their help. And that's what I did yesterday. Suffice it to say, I tanked on that reference interview.

I know that most of the time I meet the clients' needs. I've spent the past seven years gathering and disseminating information to our policyholders, and seeing as I am in the insurance biz, that is not easy information to handle.

I will say, though, my outburst (shouted in a tenor I rarely ever reach) felt really good.