Rejection

I am fully aware that I'm spoiled. For the last seven years, I've worked in my family's insurance agency. I was hired in with no resume, no interviews, nothing but my pretty face and some smarts. Prior to that, I had two jobs that only asked for an application and an informal interview. Between those two jobs, there was a month of unemployment and anxiety as I searched the ads and prepped application materials, and there were a few rejections that came my way, but after all this time, I don't remember how I felt about them.

When I started this current journey, I wondered how I would handle the inevitable run of "Thanks, but no thanks." I tend to be sensitive and take things personally, so I was sure there would be a lot of tears shed and a consistent state of the blues. So far, however, I've been okay.

Last night, scrolling through my email, I saw a message with the subject line referring to an application I recently submitted. I hesitated, daring not to hope, and looked at all my other messages before returning to that one. The message opened with, "We regret to inform you…" That's never a good way to start a conversation, however one-sided. I had gotten the point with those few words and didn't need to read the rest, but I just had to feed my neurosis. While the institution didn't say it outright, I could read between the lines: They could tell by my cover letter and curriculum vitae that my heart wasn't in it.

This was an academic library position which, in truth, is secondary to my desire to work in archives. Yet I was drawn to the academic environment, the work with electronic resources, and the opportunity to get experience. Still, my concentration is archives, my references are archival professionals, and my affiliation is with the Society of American Archivists; I think it's pretty clear where the wind blows with me. So, upon the initial read-through of the email, I shrugged it off with nary a care.

Then I started to think about it while doing the dishes. I hate to fail at anything. I wouldn't consider myself an overachiever, but when I do something, I intend to do it well. To be kicked out of the running after the first screening of candidates is more than a little disappointing. When the rejection comes from an organization for a position that I have a stronger pull towards, that disappointment has the potential to morph me into a sniveling basket case.

I know it's just part of the process, and this is only the first inning (oh my God, I just used a sports analogy and I am so not a sports person), so I better keep my chin up, even if it's trembling a little.