It's All Coming Back To Me Now...

Knowledge.  If you don't use it, you lose it, right?  That's why the long division I became handy at in middle school I can barely make work on a calculator today.  There is just not a lot of call for complex equations in my life right now. 

But is it really gone forever, that stuff you learned once upon a time?  Or, is it just laying dormant, waiting for a little nudge of the toe?  What's in your head are just memories, really.  Memories pop up out of nowhere all of the time.  The senses are notorious for bringing stuff back from the ether of your past.  Fresh cut grass takes me back to summers as a kid.  I hear the Quantum Leap theme song and I'm back  in front of the TV, up way past my bedtime, hoping that Dr. Sam Beckett finally leaps home.

So, wouldn't it be the same for lessons learned in school?  Sure it would.  I read a poem by William Blake, and it's Senior English all over again. 

It has been nearly two years since I finished graduate school.  I've taken some continuing education in the meantime in the forms of conferences, but I haven't used that knowledge and it's showing.  Those theories and case studies are fading little by little.  It's worrisome.

Well, it was.  Then an institution to which I applied a couple of weeks ago did me a favor.  No, they haven't hired me.  They asked for more information about my education and experience.  This is a second step in the job hunt I haven't before taken, so that's awesome, but that isn't what makes their request so meaningful.  Because of that request, I had to look back at my reasons for choosing the archival field and the skills I developed in school.  I combed through pages of assignments and notes as I prepared my responses and you know what?  I remember!  I remember archival processing, cataloging, HTML coding, EAD, creating finding aids, reference, disaster planning, stuff.  Cooler, still?  The drive is still there.

Nice.

Swept Away

I can definitely feel the effects of spring on my energy level.  I am motivated to get up, get moving, and mostly, get cleaning.  Mail that I let pile up on my dresser gets inspected and usually tossed, books and binders are put in their proper places on the shelf or in a filing cabinet, and sometimes I even find myself inspecting the carpet as I cross the room for lint, hair, and other crud that is visible to the naked eye (because believe me, my vacuum isn't all that great, and the stuff I can't see?  I shudder to think.), picking it up on the move.  I don't have an immaculate home, by any means, but it feels brighter and fresher in the spring, and not so wintry dark and oppressive as in the previous months.

Unfortunately, that doesn't always translate to my electronic space.  Files fill the confines of my Documents folder.  I have Bookmarks miles long, and pages of saved emails.  My Reader subscriptions are modest in number, but I'll easily find hundred of updates every day.  I am past due for a virtual deep clean; so why can't I do it?

The Lisa Chronicles, one of my Reader subscriptions, written by a fellow WSU library school graduate, recently explored this concept of "information hoarding", and as I read her post, I nodded in commiseration.  Most of the information I've kept over the years has been library/archives related, because I am (was?) determined to know of the latest trends in the profession.  I have pod casts of conference proceedings from October 2009 saved to in my Inbox, and articles from before I even applied to library school in my Favorites list.  I save everything with the expectation of soon returning to it to read and mull over the issues.  But, I never do.  Those latest trends?  It's very likely that they've been replaced by something trendier now.

I know why I haven't taken the time to read/listen/learn.  It's all research, case studies, and theories with no practical application in my life right now.  It just seems so irrelevant and time-consuming.  And there is so much of it.  Talk about information overload.  Even in a profession where it's central to the field to organize information to facilitate access, it can be too much.  So, that information I've saved just gathers dust bytes. 

I should delete it all.  I have decent searching skills; I can find the information when I need it, rather than letting it take up storage space.  And yet, I don't.  What if I need it tomorrow?  It will save time to click on a link that is already saved.  Okay, but that hasn't happened yet, not in the nearly eighteen months since I graduated.  And that leads me to the real reason why I have not purged myself of the virtual clutter: Fear of giving up.  I have a full time job, and my hunt for new employment hasn't exactly been aggressive, so a year and a half shouldn't seem so long, but there are a few dents in my optimism armor.  And I'm not entirely unhappy in my current situation.  Life has been pretty good lately, even if I am a bit restless.  There is not as much drive as there had been in the first six months out.  I know that and I accept it, even if it worries me a little.  But to delete the articles, blog posts, pod casts, etc., of all thing library/archives makes me feel like I have abandoned all hope.

Yuck.  I just have to find that drive again.  It might not be a bad idea to do that by starting over and cleaning out my Inbox.

My Brain Gets in the Way Sometimes

We are officially two weeks into the New Year (I wonder if I should stop capitalizing it now?).  While I have not made any impressive changes so far, I have applied to seven positions, and considering that I applied to a sum total of 15 jobs during the whole of 2010, this is a decent showing.  I've actually gotten into a rhythm, in which I peruse the postings, paste the links to the ads that interest me and/or for which I am even remotely qualified, into an Excel spreadsheet and make a point each day to apply to at least one job (well, I intend to do that for two weeks out of the month; the other two weeks are for building up that list of job ads).  This, of course, happens after I give the ad a closer examination to make sure that it could be a good fit, or that I didn't miss any caveat, such as a pauper's wages that I could not realistically accept, the need to get experience notwithstanding.  There are few caveats anymore, however, that I let derail me from applying, and that's a change from last year's modus operandi.  You see, I've decided not to think too hard about it.

Last year I gave every consideration to each job, especially the location and how I would make my life there.  I applied to each position with an expectation that I would get that job and I had to make plans now to make that move.  More often than not, all of that daydreaming, as it were, sabotaged my determination to actively and/or aggressively pursue job after job.  I'd stop for whole weeks at a time because I didn't want to deal with the stress of moving to Idaho, or North Carolina, or Illinois, or...well, you get the point.  I didn't want to deal with the potential change.  Sure, I'd spend some time imagining how I good I would do in that job, the experience I would gain, the team player I'd be, but most of that was eclipsed by really inconsequential things, like uprooting my life.  But even fantasizing about the work I would do was counterproductive because then I would be set on one particular position and reluctant to keep applying in the event I would get offered a job somewhere else, and was I really in a place to turn down any opportunity?  See?  I thought way too hard about this whole process.  Seriously, stupidly hard.

So, when I apply to a job now, I do it and move on.  I print the ad, I document dates, statuses, etc., but then I don't worry about it until it's time to, like during follow up or the possibility of an interview.  I don't dwell.  And so far, that has been working out just dandy.  I've been a lot less fretful.  I'm doing the work, but I'm not planning my future to its last detail based on what might happen.  And I'm doing this whole thing in phases.  This is the "get back in the game" phase where I get into the habit of applying, applying, applying.  Next phase will only build on this first one, by a much more active pursuit of volunteer work.  Experience is key, after all.

This isn't a perfect process.  There is a part of me that feels like my heart must not be in it to be able to just send out the application and then forget it.  Who wants to hire someone who just applied to meet a self-imposed quota?  And this is where my brain starts to chime in and that self-sabotage tendency gains strength, so I try to shut the door and continue scrolling through postings.  Yeah, I think too much.  It's such a downer.

Cheers!

2011: The Year of Living (Dangerously) Actively

Initially, I wanted to say I wasn't going to bore you with my resolutions, but let's face it: I am.  Not that I'm going to bore you (well, I may, but whatever), but that I'm going to discuss one or two resolutions, because I can't help it.  Because Mondays and the first of every month are like new beginnings, so imagine how meaningful to me is the dawn of a New Year.  Plans are afoot, and let's see if I'll see them to their fruition.  Resolution Number One: Action.  I am a passive person by nature.  I'd like to see how I do otherwise.

During the last six weeks, I shored up that active energy by being at my most, well, inactive.  I decided shortly after Thanksgiving that I was not going to fret about the job hunt until the New Year.  I would not look at one single ad, and boy did I succeed with flying colors.  It was remarkably easy.  Do I feel guilty about it?  I might, just a little, but I wasn't alone.  A news report that came through Forbes online states that unemployment rates are surprisingly down from 9.8% to 9.4%, and that some of that can be attributed to the holiday season.  Others put off the search for employment through the holidays.  That makes me feel connected.

I started the search again on January first.  Well, I rearranged my apartment first, including, finally, putting my degrees in frames and up on the wall.  It might seem silly that my degrees are on my bedroom wall by my desk instead of in a public area, like my office, but to me it's a way to motivate myself, to remind myself that I have the education and credentials to be a success in the information field.  Anyway, I've compiled fifteen positions to which I'll apply over next week.  I'm doing it.  I'm going to try the numbers game.  Why not?

I carefully read through one ad yesterday so that I could start to develop a sense of how to craft my cover letter, and you know, I have developed a critical eye for job ads, almost to the point that there are some to which I won't apply simply because I'm not satisfied with the lack of information (seriously, if your ad doesn't tell me at least the name of the company and its location, I'm looking at the next one).  This ad had no such problem.  It was very detailed concerning the duties of the position, to the point where I could envision it clearly (and worry how anyone in that position could get anything done).  It's really a perfect illustration of what a public librarian does.  It also perfectly illustrates the whole professional/paraprofessional issue.  This job does not require a Masters in Library Science.  It doesn't even require a four year degree, although one is encouraged.  This could be defined as a paraprofessional job, and it pays a paraprofessional salary (which is still low, in my opinion, considering how hard paraprofessional librarians work.  Also, the salary is about half of what I make now, which leads me to wonder if it would be foolish to even apply.).  But this same job description could be applied to other institutions that do require professional credentials, or at least have in the past.  It's what others have called the "de-professionalization" of librarians.  It's one of those hot topics, you know (or maybe not, anymore, since I'm not all up-to-the-minute).  And it was just an observation while reading through what was otherwise a great job (its greatness dimmed a little with the pay). 

Anyway, was I talking about New Year's resolutions?  Well, other than the usual eat healthier, drop some poundage, make some friends, the first really is the sticker: A little more action.

Take that as you will.

Reappraisal

Last week was stellar.  I received more mail than I have in recent years (thanks to electronic bill pay and the like), most of which I threw away and some, although it made me hang my head in frustration, I will keep.  You see, I received a sum total of three rejections last week.  Actually, two were via mail and personalized, and one was via email and very obviously an automated "thanks, but no thanks".  Considering I had only four or five active applications, these three really dwindled my opportunities, and even before I've gotten an interview.  So, I've come to a conclusion.

I suck.

Okay, maybe I don't suck, but maybe I need to do things better.  It has been nine months since graduation, and this is a depressed economy; I can't expect miracles here.  But it will be a miracle if I do get a job -- or even an interview (is that so much to ask?) -- if I don't step up my game.

I tend to try to tackle things on my own and, if I can't, I don't do it at all.  I have a stubborn independent streak that obviously needs a little bending.  So, it's time to ask for help.  I'm a shy little thing, so networking makes me cringe a little in horror, but I'm working on it.  I will check out what the career center at my Alma Mater can do for me.  I will more actively follow advice given in the past.  One such bit of advice was to become active in the Society of Ohio Archivists.  The only reason I hesitate to do so is that I don't plan on staying in Ohio (unless an awesome opportunity knocks...doubtful!) and I am unsure if I can commit to anything long term, which is the reason why I also back off from volunteering.  But you know what?  I've been hunting for a job for almost a year now; who's to say I won't still be here in six months or longer?  I'd never accomplish anything if I let something that might happen get in the way.

I am also going to ask -- nicely -- for feedback from some of the institutions that found me unsuitable for their positions.  I think it will be a great way to help me to become more suitable in the future.

And then, fine (fine!), I'm going to up the numbers and apply to more jobs.  I know I said I don't agree with that strategy, and I will still be generally selective (what good will I be to an organization if I just want the job for job's sake and am not really invested in it?), but I will open my standards a bit.  Yes, I will.  I've just got to.

So, yes, this past week was a stellar one, and very dispiriting.  But I never forget that while I search for that first position in my chosen profession, I am lucky enough to have a full time gig to pay the bills and the student loans (many job ads require as a qualification a demonstrable commitment to public service, and when I think about the amount of money I owe for a library degree -- one of the ultimate public service professions -- I'm pretty sure that alone demonstrates commitment).  

Now time to beg at the feet of those who turned me down...

A Bit of a Pout

My trip to Ireland several weeks ago, and the subsequent documentation of it on this blog took me out of job hunt and contemplating my future mode.  I wasn’t 100% focused on the job hunt beforehand, either, but at least I was making some effort in terms of keeping up with the job ads, the issues, and refreshing my memory on everything that I learned in school.  These past weeks I’ve kept my computer off as much as possible (since the majority of my time at work is spent on the computer, this is not so difficult at home), watched movies, read books, and generally just daydreamed.  It’s not a bad gig if you can get it, but I haven’t been working towards my goals.  Sure, a lot of it is frustration; after all, I graduated over six months ago and I haven’t even had an interview yet.  I find more and more often that I prefer instant gratification, and this wait is a monumental pain in the butt.  Then there is the uncertainty of the future.  I don’t know where I’ll get that next job, where I’ll live, whom I’ll meet, etc.  That should be exciting, and on one hand, it is.  On the other, my knees are knocking.  But we’ve been over this ground before.

  

So, I picked up the Spring/Summer 2010 issue of American Archivist.  I get it as part of my membership with the Society of American Archivists.  When I was in high school and dreaming about becoming a novelist, I never thought that I would be reading professional journals and finding the articles interesting.  I do, though.  I’ve gotten involved in these articles on metadata, processing, and I’ll be turning soon to a case study on archival fund raising.  Case studies are my favorite.  They are able to illustrate to me the issues of the profession better than any research project.  Maybe it’s because they’re more narrative and I’m a big fan of storytelling, but case studies help me to envision real world applications of the skills an archivist must possess to do his or her job well.  As an entry-level archivist with limited experience, I appreciate these windows into the profession. 

At any rate, reading the American Archivist these past couple of days has returned my focus to working towards that new job, my first in the field of information.  I’ve applied to three more jobs in the past two weeks which, for me, is progress indeed.  I still am not convinced that applying to any and every job out there for which I’m remotely qualified is the answer.  I still am not a numbers girl.  My approach may be the wrong one, and I may have no right to complain, but I’m really trying to tell myself that it’s still early days yet (yes, at six months and counting, it doesn’t not --uh, double negative?  Where did I get my English degree from anyway?--feel like early days anymore, but lie to me) and there’s no evidence to prove that my method is so wrong.  Oh, except for that part where I don’t have a job yet.

That’s pretty telling, isn’t it?

Rejection

I am fully aware that I'm spoiled. For the last seven years, I've worked in my family's insurance agency. I was hired in with no resume, no interviews, nothing but my pretty face and some smarts. Prior to that, I had two jobs that only asked for an application and an informal interview. Between those two jobs, there was a month of unemployment and anxiety as I searched the ads and prepped application materials, and there were a few rejections that came my way, but after all this time, I don't remember how I felt about them.

When I started this current journey, I wondered how I would handle the inevitable run of "Thanks, but no thanks." I tend to be sensitive and take things personally, so I was sure there would be a lot of tears shed and a consistent state of the blues. So far, however, I've been okay.

Last night, scrolling through my email, I saw a message with the subject line referring to an application I recently submitted. I hesitated, daring not to hope, and looked at all my other messages before returning to that one. The message opened with, "We regret to inform you…" That's never a good way to start a conversation, however one-sided. I had gotten the point with those few words and didn't need to read the rest, but I just had to feed my neurosis. While the institution didn't say it outright, I could read between the lines: They could tell by my cover letter and curriculum vitae that my heart wasn't in it.

This was an academic library position which, in truth, is secondary to my desire to work in archives. Yet I was drawn to the academic environment, the work with electronic resources, and the opportunity to get experience. Still, my concentration is archives, my references are archival professionals, and my affiliation is with the Society of American Archivists; I think it's pretty clear where the wind blows with me. So, upon the initial read-through of the email, I shrugged it off with nary a care.

Then I started to think about it while doing the dishes. I hate to fail at anything. I wouldn't consider myself an overachiever, but when I do something, I intend to do it well. To be kicked out of the running after the first screening of candidates is more than a little disappointing. When the rejection comes from an organization for a position that I have a stronger pull towards, that disappointment has the potential to morph me into a sniveling basket case.

I know it's just part of the process, and this is only the first inning (oh my God, I just used a sports analogy and I am so not a sports person), so I better keep my chin up, even if it's trembling a little.

Thus far...

I'm really good at planning. When an idea pops into my head, I start charting the course to bring it to life. Lists, diagrams, budgets, daydreaming—it all goes into my planning process. Library school took two years to map out, and the prep to travel to Ireland on my own was at least eighteen months. (I know. Who has that kind of time, right? Shouldn't I just be living life, instead planning it?) Most of the time, my planning will bear fruit. Then there are the ideas that float back and forth through my brain but never really stick. Plans form, but then fizzle out before they really have a chance to take shape.

A timely example is the intent to get experience in the field during my tenure at grad school. I knew going in that I didn't have the experience that would help me to get that job at the end of the road. A semester on the circulation desk during my undergrad years nearly a decade before adds only a blip to my portfolio (I’m still in shock that it has been almost ten years since I graduated from college. I swear my ten-year high school reunion was just last summer.). So I started to envision getting involved. I would join all of the student chapters of professional organizations, volunteer at libraries and historical societies, and make a general nuisance of myself. Unfortunately, I let a full time job and school work get in the way of all of that.

What work and school also curtailed was the early start on the job hunt. That had been another of my more elusive ideas that escaped my planning it into the ground. All I really did was think about future employment, tinker lazily with my resume, glance through the job opportunities on the listserv, and comfort myself with the fact that I had time. I mean, I didn’t want to start applying for jobs months or a year before I graduated, especially since I wanted to maintain the flexibility to relocate, which I wouldn’t be able to do if I got a job before I completed the program. There was also a very big mental block: That knee-jerk resistance to change. I’ve lived in the same place all of my life, with the same people, in the same insulated world I’ve made for myself. And while I’m chomping at the bit to make a change, it still doesn’t alter the fact that I’m terrified. We all know that fear is immobilizing.

And immobile I am, several months post-graduation. I still have full time employment, which makes me a very lucky woman, as many others can’t say the same as they look for a job. It may not be in my chosen profession, but it pays the bills and lessens the urgency that would otherwise propel me further into the search. I have applied to—wait for it—five positions. With the exception of one in the southeast, I seem to be directing my interest westward. One public, one academic, and the rest archival, I have made my selections carefully. I don’t know if it’s because I am currently employed, but I don’t see the value in playing the numbers game (which is how I feel about dating and probably why I’m terminally single). It's hard to keep your information straight when you apply for 50+ jobs in a short amount of time. I also think it shows that you are less interested in contributing your skills and ideas to a specific organization than you are in just getting a job. I don’t want just any job that I am remotely qualified for; I want a job where I can and want to contribute to the mission of the institution. This is a career, into which I’m going to invest a lot of time and energy and knowledge. I know we all have to start somewhere, and I expect to start low on the totem pole. I just think that that totem pole needs to be relevant to my career goals. So I look for archival processing gigs and digitization projects, because those are my interests. This is my method for now, and it's too early to tell if it's working or not. If it doesn't work, I'll try that numbers game I'm so skeptical of, because I don't always (or ever, for that matter) have to be right.

Maybe I’m too picky. Well, I know I’m too picky.

And I'm open to suggestions.