Month-In-Review: January

I started strong in January; it will be interesting to watch as the momentum slows, as it inevitably will.  (See?  I'm a positive sort.)  Let's make a list of well-dones:

• I lost 6# in January.  That is pre-holiday weight, so the real work begins tomorrow.  However, that didn't stop me from making celebratory "Car Bomb" Cupcakes.  I've given some away, but I've got a good half-dozen to polish off, and let's not ignore the fact that I'm now stocked with Jameson, Bailey's, and 2 cans of Guinness.  I may not have any recollection of February at all.
• I applied to 12 positions and have only yet been rejected by 2.  Few others have acknowledged my applications, and they're all due for a follow up, but I still like the odds.
• I signed up to join a gym today.  I workout regularly at home, so the only significance this bears is that it means I'll be getting out of the house more.
• I didn't have one bad day this month.  I had a couple of "meh" days, and a few crises at work, but I maintained an upbeat spirit everyday.  We learn from bad days, sure, but to be able to overcome frustration and drawbacks before they turn into one long day of hell is quite lovely.  
• I posted to this blog every week.  That's dedication, I tell you.  Especially since this stuff is only interesting to me.  A blogger for the Library Journal, Annoyed Librarian, had said in a blog post earlier this month: "If you're a writer, you can't please everyone, so don't even try.  Write to please yourself.  That way, even if nobody reads, you can get some pleasure years later as you stumble across an old blog post of your own, read it with fresh eyes, and think to yourself that it's not half bad."  I really think this old thing is for my amusement, and I enjoy being amused. 

All in all, I'd say January was stellar.  And I'm not even being facetious.
 

Deep Thoughts: I Gave 'Em Up

I've decided, in my effort to get out more in 2011, to join a book club here at my apartment community.  I love to read, so it really should be a no-brainer, except for the fact that socializing in any form is anathema to my current existence.  It's like I've forgotten how to hang out with people.  I did it in high school; there was a small group of us that went to parties, bowling, meals out, etc.  It wasn't hard.  It was--dare I say it?--fun.  Where, and when, did I go wrong?  No man is an island, and all that, but I'm doing a pretty bang-up job.

But, I digress, which I do a lot, as it became clear last week at work.  We had a "business meeting" wherein we fluttered from one unrelated topic to another whenever something caught our attention.  Let me illustrate further.  We pick up bagels every other Friday, and it was time to determine who would make the run.  I broached the subject with my dad (aka my boss) by saying, "It's Friday...I ain't got no job and I ain't got shit to do."  Before I could go into the original topic of bagels, I turned to my sister (aka my co-worker) and discussed memories of watching the movie Friday in my friend's basement with a group of people when I was in high school, and my sister mentioned one of the group's name, Junior, to which I responded, "Jun-ya."  And then I was on an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade roll.  We eventually got back to bagels, but I took a really long way around.

And I just did it again, didn't I?  Aren't I precious?  Anyway, the book (Remember the book?  This is a blog post about a book.  Or is it?) is a compilation of short stories by Alice Munro, Runaway.  I just finished the first story, which shares the same name as the book, and I was vaguely disturbed by it, but what really got me irritated was when the heroine, Carla, was remembering how she met her husband Clark and ran away with him (some things are becoming clearer as I write this) and responded to the one letter from her disapproving parents by saying something to the effect of (I don't have the book nearby so I'm sure to mangle this, so consider it paraphrased), "I'm trying to live an authentic life, but I don't expect you to understand."  And I think the reason I got irritated is because I didn't understand.  I just jumped on the idea that the use of the phrase, "authentic life" by an at the time eighteen year-old girl was just an empty phrase that sounded profound.

Because what makes life authentic?  I started to think about how my quiet, single life is authentic, and I haven't run away with a man I just met (give me time).  I thought about how everyone has to make the big and small choices that chart the course of their lives, even if those lives are vastly different from one another.  And none of those lives are less than authentic.  But...it wasn't long before I realized that maybe what Carla meant by an authentic life was living it without pretense.  "To thine own self be true," said Polonius to his son Laertes in Hamlet, and despite the fact that I didn't care for Polonius and wasn't altogether saddened when Hamlet killed him believing him his murderous uncle, that one line of dialogue is probably the most important line in all of Shakespeare's works.

As a teenager, I was full of empty "deep" thoughts, because I though it made me important.  I vividly remember riding in a friend's car through her neighborhood, having just been introduced to the words and concepts of non-conformity and idealism.  I remember thinking about how I met the definitions of those words, and if I didn't, how I could.  Non-conformity and idealism seemed very laudable goals, and why wouldn't I want to be part of a group/movement of such praise?  I was trying to mold myself into something I wasn't because I thought it was meaningful.  And I know it's a teenage thing to do, and I am so cheered that I was normal during an age when I felt everything but.  The point is, I was trying to make my life one big profound moment after another, to make things more meaningful than they were.  There's just not a lot of authenticity in that.

But, I still find myself doing that from time to time ("George Gray" from Masters' Spoon River Anthology remains one of my favorite poems to this day), but I've also come to accept that I'm pretty awesome as I am.

And how many references to popular (or not so popular) entertainment can I have in one post?

So It Begins...

I received my first job rejection of 2011 today.  This institution didn't let any grass grow under its feet.  Within a few days of submitting my application online, I received a letter in the mail acknowledging receipt.  Two days later, I received another letter stating that I am no longer in consideration.  I have to tell you, it's hard to imagine careful consideration was given in less than a week, but with so many applicants (as they indicated in the letter), sometimes a cursory glance is all that can be given.  It's okay.  It's what happens.

There was a twinge of regret, but mostly, I'm over it.  I think this numbers game may have more going for it than I thought.  Sure, the more resumes I send out, the more rejections I'll get, but the less involved I am in the possibilities.  My heart doesn't have room for all of these opportunities, and so it won't get bruised, battered, or broken when I hear the regrettable, "Thanks, but no thanks."  With mass applying, they are all just jobs, and not potential life-changing events.  That's so much easier on my psyche.

So it begins.  The pile of "no's" is small, but it's certain to grow.  I wonder if I should make them all into some crafty art piece? 

My Brain Gets in the Way Sometimes

We are officially two weeks into the New Year (I wonder if I should stop capitalizing it now?).  While I have not made any impressive changes so far, I have applied to seven positions, and considering that I applied to a sum total of 15 jobs during the whole of 2010, this is a decent showing.  I've actually gotten into a rhythm, in which I peruse the postings, paste the links to the ads that interest me and/or for which I am even remotely qualified, into an Excel spreadsheet and make a point each day to apply to at least one job (well, I intend to do that for two weeks out of the month; the other two weeks are for building up that list of job ads).  This, of course, happens after I give the ad a closer examination to make sure that it could be a good fit, or that I didn't miss any caveat, such as a pauper's wages that I could not realistically accept, the need to get experience notwithstanding.  There are few caveats anymore, however, that I let derail me from applying, and that's a change from last year's modus operandi.  You see, I've decided not to think too hard about it.

Last year I gave every consideration to each job, especially the location and how I would make my life there.  I applied to each position with an expectation that I would get that job and I had to make plans now to make that move.  More often than not, all of that daydreaming, as it were, sabotaged my determination to actively and/or aggressively pursue job after job.  I'd stop for whole weeks at a time because I didn't want to deal with the stress of moving to Idaho, or North Carolina, or Illinois, or...well, you get the point.  I didn't want to deal with the potential change.  Sure, I'd spend some time imagining how I good I would do in that job, the experience I would gain, the team player I'd be, but most of that was eclipsed by really inconsequential things, like uprooting my life.  But even fantasizing about the work I would do was counterproductive because then I would be set on one particular position and reluctant to keep applying in the event I would get offered a job somewhere else, and was I really in a place to turn down any opportunity?  See?  I thought way too hard about this whole process.  Seriously, stupidly hard.

So, when I apply to a job now, I do it and move on.  I print the ad, I document dates, statuses, etc., but then I don't worry about it until it's time to, like during follow up or the possibility of an interview.  I don't dwell.  And so far, that has been working out just dandy.  I've been a lot less fretful.  I'm doing the work, but I'm not planning my future to its last detail based on what might happen.  And I'm doing this whole thing in phases.  This is the "get back in the game" phase where I get into the habit of applying, applying, applying.  Next phase will only build on this first one, by a much more active pursuit of volunteer work.  Experience is key, after all.

This isn't a perfect process.  There is a part of me that feels like my heart must not be in it to be able to just send out the application and then forget it.  Who wants to hire someone who just applied to meet a self-imposed quota?  And this is where my brain starts to chime in and that self-sabotage tendency gains strength, so I try to shut the door and continue scrolling through postings.  Yeah, I think too much.  It's such a downer.

Cheers!

2011: The Year of Living (Dangerously) Actively

Initially, I wanted to say I wasn't going to bore you with my resolutions, but let's face it: I am.  Not that I'm going to bore you (well, I may, but whatever), but that I'm going to discuss one or two resolutions, because I can't help it.  Because Mondays and the first of every month are like new beginnings, so imagine how meaningful to me is the dawn of a New Year.  Plans are afoot, and let's see if I'll see them to their fruition.  Resolution Number One: Action.  I am a passive person by nature.  I'd like to see how I do otherwise.

During the last six weeks, I shored up that active energy by being at my most, well, inactive.  I decided shortly after Thanksgiving that I was not going to fret about the job hunt until the New Year.  I would not look at one single ad, and boy did I succeed with flying colors.  It was remarkably easy.  Do I feel guilty about it?  I might, just a little, but I wasn't alone.  A news report that came through Forbes online states that unemployment rates are surprisingly down from 9.8% to 9.4%, and that some of that can be attributed to the holiday season.  Others put off the search for employment through the holidays.  That makes me feel connected.

I started the search again on January first.  Well, I rearranged my apartment first, including, finally, putting my degrees in frames and up on the wall.  It might seem silly that my degrees are on my bedroom wall by my desk instead of in a public area, like my office, but to me it's a way to motivate myself, to remind myself that I have the education and credentials to be a success in the information field.  Anyway, I've compiled fifteen positions to which I'll apply over next week.  I'm doing it.  I'm going to try the numbers game.  Why not?

I carefully read through one ad yesterday so that I could start to develop a sense of how to craft my cover letter, and you know, I have developed a critical eye for job ads, almost to the point that there are some to which I won't apply simply because I'm not satisfied with the lack of information (seriously, if your ad doesn't tell me at least the name of the company and its location, I'm looking at the next one).  This ad had no such problem.  It was very detailed concerning the duties of the position, to the point where I could envision it clearly (and worry how anyone in that position could get anything done).  It's really a perfect illustration of what a public librarian does.  It also perfectly illustrates the whole professional/paraprofessional issue.  This job does not require a Masters in Library Science.  It doesn't even require a four year degree, although one is encouraged.  This could be defined as a paraprofessional job, and it pays a paraprofessional salary (which is still low, in my opinion, considering how hard paraprofessional librarians work.  Also, the salary is about half of what I make now, which leads me to wonder if it would be foolish to even apply.).  But this same job description could be applied to other institutions that do require professional credentials, or at least have in the past.  It's what others have called the "de-professionalization" of librarians.  It's one of those hot topics, you know (or maybe not, anymore, since I'm not all up-to-the-minute).  And it was just an observation while reading through what was otherwise a great job (its greatness dimmed a little with the pay). 

Anyway, was I talking about New Year's resolutions?  Well, other than the usual eat healthier, drop some poundage, make some friends, the first really is the sticker: A little more action.

Take that as you will.