Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Brain Gets in the Way Sometimes

We are officially two weeks into the New Year (I wonder if I should stop capitalizing it now?).  While I have not made any impressive changes so far, I have applied to seven positions, and considering that I applied to a sum total of 15 jobs during the whole of 2010, this is a decent showing.  I've actually gotten into a rhythm, in which I peruse the postings, paste the links to the ads that interest me and/or for which I am even remotely qualified, into an Excel spreadsheet and make a point each day to apply to at least one job (well, I intend to do that for two weeks out of the month; the other two weeks are for building up that list of job ads).  This, of course, happens after I give the ad a closer examination to make sure that it could be a good fit, or that I didn't miss any caveat, such as a pauper's wages that I could not realistically accept, the need to get experience notwithstanding.  There are few caveats anymore, however, that I let derail me from applying, and that's a change from last year's modus operandi.  You see, I've decided not to think too hard about it.

Last year I gave every consideration to each job, especially the location and how I would make my life there.  I applied to each position with an expectation that I would get that job and I had to make plans now to make that move.  More often than not, all of that daydreaming, as it were, sabotaged my determination to actively and/or aggressively pursue job after job.  I'd stop for whole weeks at a time because I didn't want to deal with the stress of moving to Idaho, or North Carolina, or Illinois, or...well, you get the point.  I didn't want to deal with the potential change.  Sure, I'd spend some time imagining how I good I would do in that job, the experience I would gain, the team player I'd be, but most of that was eclipsed by really inconsequential things, like uprooting my life.  But even fantasizing about the work I would do was counterproductive because then I would be set on one particular position and reluctant to keep applying in the event I would get offered a job somewhere else, and was I really in a place to turn down any opportunity?  See?  I thought way too hard about this whole process.  Seriously, stupidly hard.

So, when I apply to a job now, I do it and move on.  I print the ad, I document dates, statuses, etc., but then I don't worry about it until it's time to, like during follow up or the possibility of an interview.  I don't dwell.  And so far, that has been working out just dandy.  I've been a lot less fretful.  I'm doing the work, but I'm not planning my future to its last detail based on what might happen.  And I'm doing this whole thing in phases.  This is the "get back in the game" phase where I get into the habit of applying, applying, applying.  Next phase will only build on this first one, by a much more active pursuit of volunteer work.  Experience is key, after all.

This isn't a perfect process.  There is a part of me that feels like my heart must not be in it to be able to just send out the application and then forget it.  Who wants to hire someone who just applied to meet a self-imposed quota?  And this is where my brain starts to chime in and that self-sabotage tendency gains strength, so I try to shut the door and continue scrolling through postings.  Yeah, I think too much.  It's such a downer.

Cheers!

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